It's interesting how when I was younger I was always trying to become something. Something different than what I authentically was. I tried so hard to be a well behaved child, the ideal friend, the top student, and overall a very accommodating person in every way.
Then when I got older I tried to be the most productive employee, a compliant patient, the best partner to whoever I was dating, an acceptable and agreeable member of society and whatever other box I was trying to fit into. Essentially I was a major people-pleaser.
Eventually I tried so hard to become something else that I ended up forgetting who I truly was at my core.
I became lost, disoriented, disassociated and completely out of touch with my authentic self and my true desires. I didn't recognize my innate gifts as talents to be brought out into the world, but rather I hid my gifts so I could blend in and not stand out. Do you resonate with this?
We forget that we are perfect just as we are. When we came onto this planet, we had everything we needed to succeed. We were absolutely perfect and we didn’t care what other people thought.
Think about it, does a baby care that they have food smeared all over their face? Are they worrying that they might look ridiculous with no hair and no teeth? No, they just smile and laugh and authentically beam out joy and radiance. Babies naturally light up a room no matter what they look like and people LOVE IT!
But over time that changes and we lose that innate confidence we are born with. Whether it's a comment someone makes about how we look, how we act, how we talk or how we dress, so we start to change.
We change to adapt, to fit in, to please others or even to survive. Eventually as we get older we start morphing into someone else entirely, we bury that sweet innocent authentic baby deep inside and live a life based on the hopes and dreams that are not even ours.
I was at this stage a few years ago. I was working a job I was not excited about, I was dating men who were fun, but did not recognize my authenticity and did not encourage me to bring out my innate gifts, I dimmed my light around certain people so they would accept me as they wanted me to be and although I didn't know it at the time my heart was closed off and I didn't fully let others in.
Essentially, I was exhausted and burned out trying to be “perfect” in every aspect of my life, so I could fit the standards of others and society as a whole.
It took some very painful years to allow the layers of protection to fall away. I was forced to go deep, down to the depths of my soul. I felt everything I had pushed away all those years. I felt all the disappointment, the sadness, the despair, the shame, the grief, the suffering, the fear, the abandonment and whatever else wanted to come up.
I felt it, so I could fee it.
“Before I could release the weight of my sadness and pain, i first had to honor its existence.”
Every time I took off a layer, it was painful. Everything I had thought about myself, the ENTIRE life I had built, crumbled away.
I quit my job, I ended my romantic relationship, I let go of friendships that no longer served me, I freed myself from societal pressure, I released the high standards of perfectionism that I was previously holding myself too and I surrendered into the unknown.
I was left with just myself. My pure, whole entire self. My bare naked vulnerable soul, out in the open for all to see, no mask on and no walls up. And I realized……I had everything I needed all along.
I was perfect just as I was.
I always had been and I always will be.
I made the decision that no matter what I was going to be myself, I was going to be the genuine being that I am and shine my light in all situations. I decided to fully offer what I came to offer and I was not going to restrict myself in any way, shape or form any longer.
Ultimately, I chose to take on my empowered state, so I could shape my reality the way I wanted it. I fully committed to myself and no one else.
I also acknowledged, thanked, loved, and honored all past versions of myself because without them I would not be the woman I today or be where I am now.
“One day, just like that…
she rediscovered her light
she embraced her inner warrior
she grabbed her power back
she remembered who she was
…and the whole game changed.”
Life is not about becoming something grand or great, because underneath everything we already are all those things and so much more.
Life is simply about unbecoming everything we think we need to be, so our true authenticity can can shine through once again and we can be who we were always meant to be.
“Perhaps the journey of becoming your higher self is not about becoming anything, but about unbecoming all the things you were told to be in the first place”
I write this vulnerable post, in the hopes that you start to embark on this journey of unbecoming and re-self discovery. Not everyones journey is going to be as deep and intense as mine. In fact, I believe we are moving into a new time where more and more people are joyfully waking up and remembering.
“Don’t deny your fire, my dear, just be who you are and burn.”
Once you do take off the layers and you start loving and recognizing your true self, owning your gifts and bringing them out into the world for all to see, then life is truly magical on the other side. You will look back on everything you had gone through and know that it was all worth it.
“Silly girl, your different was your beautiful all along.”
Remember, everything we need is within and where you are right now is exactly where you need to be. I send you love and blessings and a peaceful journey to remembering who you truly are.
You are worthy, beautiful and perfect at your core. You always have been and you always will be.
“I was once afraid of people saying, ‘Who does she think she is’ Now I stand up and say, ‘This is who I am.’”
Much love,
K